Post-Fight Ramble: Jake Paul -vs- Mike Tyson

It has been two weeks since Jake Paul and Mike Tyson strapped on boxing gloves and left a record-setting audience baffled and angry. It's taken me this long to fully parse what we witnessed, to let the dust settle and collect the relevant numbers generated by this circus sideshow.

As absurd as the notion of Mike Tyson fighting in 2024 was to any remotely tuned-in fight fan was, the reality is that Mike Tyson's name is catnip to the casual observer. People who have never watched a boxing match know who he is; casual boxing fans hold him in incredibly high esteem; the man's been a celebrity for four decades and his KO highlights have been seen by millions of people.

Like it or not, this fight was going to do big business. Even knowing this, I found myself shocked that an estimated 108 million viewers tuned in — or tried to tune in, given widespread reports of Netflix outages — to see this contest between an annoying YouTuber and a former heavyweight champion.

What transpired was even more depressing than I could have predicted, and I am as tenured and cynical a fight fan as they come.

I had no notion that Tyson could win this fight, given his advanced age, history of injuries, and the diminished version we saw 4 years ago — when he boxed an equally washed Roy Jones Junior in a fight we've all agreed to wipe from our collective memories.

This was a showcase fight for Jake Paul, sold to the public by dangling the prospect — no matter how ultimately unlikely it was — of Old Man Tyson showing the world that he can still hit people very hard. An exaggerated version of the brash up-and-comer versus wily vet archetype, given that Jake Paul is not a good boxer and Mike Tyson's professional boxing career ended two decades prior — when he quit on his stool against unheralded journeyman Kevin McBride.

The resulting fight was absolutely terrible.

All publicly available evidence indicates that Paul is serious about his training, but he's not very skilled. That means he could absolutely beat the brakes off your average guy off the street but would struggle against real pros. This is why he has accumulated his wins by preying on streamers, washed up MMA fighters averaging 40 years of age, and took a unanimous decision loss to Tommy Fury — an abysmal boxer in his own right — in an awful bout that should only be watched under duress.

Tyson had no legs and was unable to close the distance against the much larger Paul. The former champion's conditioning was what you would expect from a man who is nearly 60 years old and wore a knee brace into the ring. For his part, Paul was unable or unwilling to push the pace against such an obviously compromised opponent.

Not only did we not get to see Mike Tyson turn back the clock and teach that uppity kid some manners, we didn't even get a single highlight. It was a terrible fight, essentially a sparring session in 14oz gloves and 2-minute rounds. Thankfully there were only 8 rounds, even if that was 16 minutes longer than this fight should have been.

Father Time racked up another depressing win, remaining undefeated, and everyone who stayed up past midnight (Eastern Time) was left with a bitter taste in their mouth.

Everyone else lost, except perhaps Netflix and sports books. It will take time to see how many subscribers Netflix retains from this initial step into live sports. I don't think the connection issues will hurt them too much, as long as this does not become a recurring theme. Meanwhile, we already know bettors logged a volume of wagers equivalent to the Super Bowl.

Given the aforementioned data point regarding gambling, it should come as no surprise that claims the fight was fixed were made immediately. It's a belief that is not solely isolated to gamblers, however. Casual observers simply cannot believe a fight that bad was real.

As funny as it is that Most Valuable Promotions issued a statement that the fight was not fixed, or 'rigged,' it's also more than a little dispiriting. This means we are definitely going to get more fights like this, since the public has no idea what they are watching or what to reasonably expect.

Mike Tyson was able to collect what ought to be a substantial payday by releasing heavily edited 6-second training clips and treading on his glory days — reaching his career zenith years before Paul was even born.

The public does not know what to expect from aging athletes. Some of this is hubris; as a man in his 40s, I understand the urge to think age is a minimal factor. A lot of it is just ignorance, however — Tyson's Wikipedia page is just as accessible as KO highlights on YouTube.

I don't mind ridiculous fights, but I draw the line at the sort of elder abuse we've witnessed in Vitor Belfort being allowed to legally assault a severely compromised Evander Holyfield and Paul / Tyson. It seemed as if Paul himself realized how gruesome the spectacle was, as I firmly believe he could have at least knocked a winded and immobile Tyson down in later rounds, had he wanted to.

In addition to letting us know that he nearly died in the summer, when the fight was postponed, Tyson claimed the fight was a personal win regardless of the outcome. Jake Paul celebrated like he hadn't just meagerly outpointed the shadow of a ghost of a former champion. At least they made a pile of money for wasting everyone's time.

I would hope we never see Mike Tyson in a ring again, but who knows. The Florida or Texas regulators will greenlight just about anything — as long as contestants have a discernible pulse — so it's strictly a matter of desire and money.

As for Jake Paul, I don't know what's next for him. Every time I think he's out of opponents who possess the right mix of being minimally threatening and having name value, he pulls another rabbit out of a hat. Maybe Netflix will give him a few million dollars to push Mickey Ward down a flight of stairs.

—by Derek

Published: November 29th, 2024.