Random Thoughts – Volume XIX
This week’s installment in my ongoing series of re-posting my Twitter content. This volume’s subjects are random as always. As per usual, if you subscribe to my Twitter feed, then none of this will be new to you.
» Article: Highway barricade reminisces about the time it met Ryan Dunn.
» The best Twitter feeds are the ones that alternate between complaining about diets and stating how many whole pizzas were eaten for dinner.
» Desperation smells an awful lot like Axe Body Spray.
» If it’s wrong to have dreams where you knock out Steven Seagall with a front kick, then I don’t want to be right.
» They say smoking diminishes the sense of smell. So, how do you pink lungs survive the bus?
» So, people need warnings that stories about sexual abuse might be graphic and traumatizing. Top of the food chain, my ass — we’re morons.
I guess I should not be shocked, though. I mean, a show called 1,000 Ways to Die also has a disclaimer “don’t try this at home”.
» Poultry farming is a great way to pick up chicks.
» Bring more dirt, I’ve got a lot of work to do on this molehill.
» By mid-2013, “the benefit of the doubt” will be not punching you in the mouth pre-emptively before I hear about your Kickstarter project.
» People ask why I insist on having a floppy drive on all my PCs. Reason: leave a disk in the drive and no one under 30 can use your machine.
» Instead of tweeting three times a day about what I eat, I’m going to tweet once when I shit. I don’t feel tweet quality will suffer.
» When obituaries state that someone is “survived by his wife and two children”, I assume they were a terrible, terrible person.
» I like obituaries that frame dying as “losing a battle to cancer”, like maybe some push-ups and more road work was the fucking answer…
During the post-fight press event, the malignant tumor had only this to say: “I’ll fight whoever they put in front of me.”
» I asked our HR person what the guidelines for facial tattoos were, but I haven’t heard back.
» When someone makes a point of saying “full stop”, I wonder if they also announce commas, and semi-colons verbally as well.